April 2023

Texas police destroyed a cancer survivor’s house. A new legal maneuver may force the city to pay. While I’m not a fan of meting out undeserved punishment in general, I AM a fan of anyone guilty of destroying an innocent person’s property to pay for the destruction they’ve caused – ESPECIALLY when the criminal was on the property without the knowledge or authorization of the owner. A jury agreed with that and awarded $60,000, but the city still won’t pay up, even after their police and SWAT team demolished the home and its contents. When they were done trashin’ the place, they didn’t even get to put anybody in jail. The kidnapper killed himself.

Biden admin hit with lawsuits for hiding communications involving Cabinet secretary’s daughter. What did you expect? If the activities of his Interior Secretary’s daughter woulda kept her from being confirmed, considering Hunter’s nefarious actions, why in the hell is Biden president? Can you imagine? Biden nominates ANYBODY for ANYTHING. With a kid that’s got a known sleazy history like his kid Hunter has, there’s a distinct possibility that an objection would prevent a floor vote. So, I ask again: How did Bumbling Biden get elected? And again, I’ll tell you why. The DOJ conspired with the MS media to bury Hunter’s laptop-from-hell story before the election. As a result, we’re stuck with a president who doesn’t know where he is most of the time, talks to dead people, thinks his sister’s his wife and vice versa, can’t finish a coherent sentence, and can’t even board Air Force One without falling. The fact that Biden’s our president is the biggest reason I can think of to hate Democrats.

As arson fallout continues, owner of Brenner’s Furniture calls for action. Hey, all you Democrats, that other Democrats elected to lead Eugene! It’s not rocket science! The arson that just took place at a furniture store in downtown Eugene is a direct result of bleeding-heart city leadership with a severe case of priority misalignment. Their failure to use Transition Centers allows nutjobs like the arsonist bum to roam freely, causing an innocent business owner to suffer thousands of dollars in damages. The sooner individuals and entrepreneurs start electing commonsense politicians that set up commonsense policies, the better off we’ll be.

REI to shutter downtown Portland store amid 20-year high in break-ins: ‘Overwhelming systems in place.’ REI spokesperson said break-ins ‘overwhelming systems in place’ despite $800,000 investment. What can I say? Another Portland business moves out. Somebody, and it needs to be a business owner who was forced to shutter their doors because of rampant crime, not any of the people that voted in the WPs, needs to sue Wheeler and the Soros-elected Multnomah County DA. These two criminal-loving, slap-on-the-wrist kind of guys are why Portland’s falling apart.

A 9-hour drive in Toyota’s new electric SUV showed me how brutal EV road trips can be with the wrong car. Another grim tale surrounding EVs and their inefficiencies. As has been discussed on these pages multiple times before, you’d better not be in a hurry if you’re taking a trip in an EV, if that trip even comes CLOSE to the maximum range of its battery’s full charge.

The following was sent in by a loyal reader. It’s a long read but trust me – it’s hilarious.

A very graphic description of what it’s like to fly in an F-14 for the first (and only) time! Below is a story written by Rick Reilly of Sports Illustrated. He details his experiences when given the opportunity to fly in an F-14 Tomcat.  If you aren’t laughing out loud by the time you get to ‘Milk Duds,’ your sense of humor is seriously broken…

“This message is for America ‘s most famous athletes: Someday you may be invited to fly in the backseat of one of your country’s most powerful fighter jets.  Many of you already have.  John Elway, John Stockton, Tiger Woods to name a few. If you get this opportunity, let me urge you, with the greatest sincerity… move to Guam.  Change your name.  Fake your own death!  Whatever you do, Do Not Go!!!  I know. The U.S. Navy invited me to try it.  I was thrilled.  I was pumped.  I was toast!   I should’ve known when they told me my pilot would Be Chip (Biff) King of Fighter Squadron 213 at Naval Air Station Oceana in Virginia Beach. Whatever you’re thinking a Top Gun named Chip (Biff) King looks like, triple it.  He’s about six-foot, tan, ice-blue eyes, wavy surfer hair, finger-crippling handshake — the kind of man who wrestles dyspeptic alligators in his leisure time.  If you see this man, run the other way.  Fast. Biff King was born to fly.  His father, Jack King, was for years the voice of NASA missions.  (‘T-minus 15 seconds and counting’. Remember?)  Chip would charge neighborhood kids a quarter each to hear his dad.  Jack would wake up from naps surrounded by nine-year-olds waiting for him to say, ‘We have lift off’.

Biff was to fly me in an F- 14D Tomcat, a ridiculously powerful $60 million Weapon with nearly as much thrust as weight, not unlike Colin Montgomerie.  I was worried about getting airsick, so the night before the flight I asked Biff if there was something I should eat the next morning.

‘Bananas,’ he said.  ‘For the potassium?’  I asked.  ‘No,’ Biff said, ‘because they taste about the same coming up as they do going down.’

The next morning, out on the tarmac, I had on my flight suit with my name sewn over the left breast.  (No call sign — like Crash or Sticky or Lead foot.  But, still, very cool.)  I carried my helmet in the crook of my arm, as Biff had instructed.  If ever in my life I had a chance to nail Nicole Kidman, this was it. 

A fighter pilot named Psycho gave me a safety briefing and then fastened me into my ejection seat, which, when employed, would ‘egress’ me out of the plane at such a velocity that I would be immediately knocked unconscious.

Just as I was thinking about aborting the flight, the canopy closed over me, and Biff gave the ground crew a thumbs-up. In minutes we were firing nose up at 600 mph. We leveled out and then canopy-rolled over another F-14. 

Those 20 minutes were the rush of my life.  Unfortunately, the ride lasted 80.  It was like being on the roller coaster at Six Flags Over Hell.  Only without rails.  We did barrel rolls, snap rolls, loops, yanks and banks.  We dived, rose and dived again, sometimes with a vertical velocity of 10,000 feet per minute.  We chased another F-14, and it chased us.

We broke the speed of sound.  Sea was sky and sky was sea.  Flying at 200 feet we did 90-degree turns at 550 mph, creating a G force of 6.5, which is to say I felt as if 6.5 times my body weight was smashing against me, thereby approximating life as Mrs. Colin Montgomerie. And I egressed the bananas.  And I egressed the pizza from the night before.  And the lunch before that.  I egressed a box of Milk Duds from the sixth grade.  I made Linda Blair look polite.  Because of the G’s, I was egressing stuff that I never thought would be egressed.   I went through not one airsick bag, but two. 

Biff said I passed out.  Twice…  I was coated in sweat.  At one point, as we were coming in upside down in a banked curve on a mock bombing target and the Gs were flattening me like a tortilla and I was in and out of consciousness, I realized I was the first person in history to throw down. 

I used to know ‘cool’.  Cool was Elway throwing a touchdown pass, or Norman making a five-iron bite.  But now I really know ‘cool’.  Cool is guys like Biff, men with cast-iron stomachs and freon nerves.  I wouldn’t go up there again for Derek Jeter’s black book, but I’m glad Biff does every day, and for less a year than a rookie reliever makes in a home stand. 

A week later, when the spins finally stopped, Biff called.  He said he and the fighters had the perfect call sign for me.  Said he’d send it on a patch for my flight suit.

What is it?  I asked.  ‘Two Bags’, he replied.”